I hate it when you're walking and all of the sudden you feel pairs of eyes just staring at you. When you turn around to look hoping that you're just being paranoid and you see them just staring at you and pointing at you. And walking past near them they just say your name out loud and start talking about you. The worst thing about this is that the people who are talking about you are people who you used to be so close with and you used to share so many secrets with. And now you're just scared that maybe they'll say something that you don't really want them to tell anyone. Now you're just hoping that they didn't say anything and that you can still trust them.

It's funny how we used to be so close and now we never talk even when we walk past each other we don't say hi. Sometimes I just feel like going up to you all and just talk for awhile but I'm scared. Every time I want to do that I just have that feeling in my stomach and a voice that says maybe this isn't a good idea, maybe I should just wait for a little bit longer. However I will wait a bit longer and see how it turns out then. Maybe then I would have the guts to go up to them or maybe you'll come talk to me.

I will still keep my hopes up but it won't be long until that hope has gone away and it will never come back.

I'm still the same person as I was before but maybe just a little bit more sensible, I haven't changed that much. Just give me a chance to prove that. I know it probably won't change your mind but atleast I know I gave it a try to become your friend again. We don't have to be best friends and just friends that talk a little bit when they see each other....

At first I thought it would be a great idea moving back to England because I've had enough of the half-desert life but I know that I would miss my friends.

Leaving Bahrain was not as hard as I thought it would be. I thought I would cry leaving my friends but I didn't. Its not because I wouldn't miss them, I do miss them so much, everytime going to my lessons here in England I would think of them wishing they were here. But I guess I didn't cry because deep down inside of me I know that I will see them again, maybe not in a few months but in the near future.

I thought coming back to England was going to be fun, seeing all my friends who I was so close once. But now when its actually happening its not that fun. Seeing them again its awkward, they've changed and have grown so much and I thought that most of them wouldn't have remembered me but surprisingly quite a few of them did. I have a quite a few classes with some them and I hang out with one of them everyday, walking to and from school. Some days its walking to and from school with her is quiet its probably because we still not used to each other yet, it has only been 1 week, so not much to expect yet.

In this one week of school it has been strange. First everything is different the school changed with new buildings and new systems. Then everyone changed and is different and still not used to the idea of me being back in England yet. Hopefully it will change soon but personally I don't it will because some of them pretend like they don't know me even though they do remember me. Especially those who used to be soo close with me, but I guess people do change.

I just wish every thing could be the same again just like before I left even if its only for one day. I would be satisfied. But I know it would never be the same again.

sorry... y is it tht u keep saying sorry when even its not ur fault? y do u keeping saying sorry? sorry is the word u hear most all of the sudden... is everyone in a sorry mood now or wat?

y do ppl have to make life so hard?

y cant they jst let u do things at ur own pace? at the end of the day u get good results..

u know ure not the smartest of ppl but u know ure not tht stupid either...

y does life have to be so hard? y cant it be easy?

its funny how ppl jst assume ure a strong person and nth is always wrong with u...but really u think they're wrong...

its funny how ppl think ure like an old person jst cos u say ure body hurts or have a headache...its actually not tht funny cos tht person it hurting u...

its funny how ppl jst forgets abt u when ure jst next to them...and they turn around and sees u and say 'oh..sorry' and then laugh and hugs u and thinks evrythings ok but actually they're not cos tht person jst hurt u...

its funny how some ppl have to live a lie cos evrytime ure out with sumone, ure pretending to be sumone ure not, for example ure actually hurting inside but when ure around ppl u act like there's nth wrong...and then when ure alone u let it all out..

its funny how u think tht a person is really nice and trustworthy and y tell tht person evrything- secrets but then one day u find out tht, tht person told their fren ur secrets and u can never trust tht person anymore...

its funny how some ppl talk bad abt u when ure jst rite there but they dont notice u there...and when they see u and they look at u and laugh and walks away feeling embarrass...

its funny how some ppl can jst take u for granted and never care abt ur feeling..

its funny how some ppl can jst judge u by how u look...

EXCITEDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im sooo excited...jst a few more days!! cant wait...its been soo long since i celebrated xmas in m'sia!! i think its the first time after 6 yrs...lol..

anyway i excited to be there and im going to LAM FUNG'S CONCERT!!! cant wait for tht either..taking abt LF had a weird dream yesterday maybe its cos im jst soo excited!lol..

anyway in the dream i was in HK visiting one of my best fren and she suprised me by taking me to a tv show and watch it LIVE! hahaha....so i went with her, i was soo excited to see who was gonna be in the show..hahaahh...she got the front row tickets which was gd! LOL!! ok so they all came and suddenly i see someone so familiar... yup..uve guessed it rite it was LF! hahahhahah...then i was telling my fren sumthing abt him and i was sort of pointing at him and he saw me and my fren looking at him..so during the break he came over and meet his fans then he came over to me and started talking to my fren and i...i was soo stunned...he shook my hand and signed my shirt for me! LOL..and he gave us VIP tickets for his concert! hahhahah

oh my...my dream iss soo weird but funny lol...dhahahh

cant wait to go back to m'sia to celebrate xmas and see LF in concert! hahahah...

will definitely keep my blog updated more..but im jst so busy lately with the GCSE preparations...soo much homework! and i cant believe i have homework over the hols...even worst in the summer hols i would definitely get more homework..so unfair!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Mummy HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Hope u enjoy ur day and all ur presents!!!


Went to T.G.I.F earlier this evening, i know it was early but told the ppl there tht it was mum's b-day so went the dessert came mummy was so shocked tht the workers there came to our table and sang a happy b-day but in their own way! hahahah..mum's face went quite red too! hahahh...afta they left mum slapped my and daddy charles' face and said embarrassing! hhaahahha....
tot i took a vid but when i wanted to show mum her reaction i realised tht i didnt press the buttonn hard enough! stupid me!!